I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
