I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
