highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
