Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
