I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
