so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize