i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
