my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
as a side note pls kill me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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