Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
