her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
