Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
