they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
