They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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