we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
