Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize