I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
not ubering you a puppy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
