i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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