Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
