Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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