GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
