i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
