Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
