This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
