Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
