yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
