it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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