so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
