i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
