I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
