You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
