i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
