smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
