How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize