I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
