Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
