had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sober January is a disaster.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
