I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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