What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i out mim tonsoeep
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