I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
