end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
