things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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