my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
