I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
