You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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