Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
