I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
