if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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