We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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