He disabled his match.com account in front of me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
