The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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