Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
