I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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