Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
