he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
