so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
