just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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