Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
