shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
