we have pet lesbian snakes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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