loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
