rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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