That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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