My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
