do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
