I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
