how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
